Terrible/Perfect

Getting it

I'm enjoying a little rennaissance at the moment. The here and now is pretty dope, despite some left hooks here and there. 

When I'm happy, as I have been these past days (weeks?), and I mean "Whoa, I kind of feel high," happy, I get a little worried: Do I have high-fuctioning bipolar disorder? Am I mildly oxygen deprived? Do I have a tumor? I think the doubt comes from years and years of having not felt good. I'm feeling settled and productive and at peace. This can't be!  

But I think (I hope) this go around it's just the result of postpartum hormones, which have always been kind to me, and my enormously pedestrian Happiness Project efforts, in particular honoring my need for a calm (read: tidy) space at home. The more I work the knots out of the tangled skein that is my home environment the happier (calmer, kinder, easier going, more engaged, more productive) I feel. I have a long way to go still, but we got through house and tree decorating so smoothly. I felt really excellent, with the music playing and the dinner promptly on the table and now with the dishwasher whirring.

Sometimes I marvel at the increase in self-knowledge and happiness I've experienced as I've grown older. When I was younger I think I pictured happiness looking something like this, a kind of idiosyncratic domestic bliss, but I couldn't figure out how anyone would get to happiness, whatever it looked like; it was like another country that I could see in pictures, but there were no flights, no trains, no buses, no roads.

But I guess you just put one foot in front of the other over and over and one day you find you're in another place.

Back in

I don't know about you but the end of summer always sneaks up on me. It's only a few short weeks away: we're seeing a fair few yellow leaves on the ground, it's been cold and foggy in the morning, I need my robe on for a bit after I wake up. Sigh.

I loved the whole back to school routine when I was a kid (never mind that I hated school itself; I was a big time illness faker). Buying what seemed like a treasure chest of new and improved clothes and school supplies, the new backpack, the whole thing. Taking the picture on the porch. Blindingly hopeful fresh starts, every year. Naturally I was never any more popular with my classmates nor motivated as a student than I was the year before despite having what I believed to be the correct shoes, but, you know...it could have happened.

Since my older girl is home educated, back to school lacks that particular zing. While obviously a boon for the budget, the girls need next to nothing going into fall. No super-exciting BACK TO SCHOOL! buying bonanza for us. Just a new ballet leotard for one, a new swim suit for lessons for the other. Backpacks all around (those were fun to shop for). We have all the notebooks, colored pencils, markers, paper and so forth that we need for a long, long time. As far as clothing goes, we buy what we need when we need it, which, for mysterious reasons, doesn't seem to happen on any particular schedule. Except the rain boots. I mean...fall in the Pacific Northwest = new rain boots (but why weren't they in fashion when I was a kid? Wandering around with sloppy wet and cold pants cuffs was stupid).

I'm actually looking forward to filling that calendar up. It's only a handful of weeks before we're in the baby daze (for the last time, happy/sad/mostlyveryveryhappy), but for a little while I'll be busy, in the best way. The hopeful, energetic early fall way, not the drudging March way nor the heart-stopping June way.

Maybe I'll take a picture of myself on the front porch next week. 

Oddments

Ha! Yeah. What's up.

Oddments!

1. Good week. Fun work times. I'm working this week! Weird. The kids come with me, though, so not really weird.

2. Also bad, strange week, but I can hang with sorrow and serious concern for other people without losing my mind. I would like to be helpful, though, if and when I can. 

3. The changes we made in the household routine in advance of Mr. Baby's expected fall arrival have been AWESOME. Things could not, could not, be better with the girls. They're fighting and being obnoxious kids, but with very early bed times netting them 11-12 hours of sleep their obnoxiousness is now just really normal, easy-to-bear stuff, ebbing and flowing throughout the day. The big one in particular has completely stopped having the period she used to have every day where she'd be out of her mind from 3 p.m. until whenever she finally was able to fall asleep, often later than 10 p.m. That is a loooooooong part of a day to be out of your mind. She is so very level now (though still a whiney, emotional kid; this is not touching her base personality, which is fine, obviously). She's out at 7:30 every night, and up shortly after 6 a.m. shining-faced, snuggly and ready to start her day. Lovely. Sigh.

4. I decided to structure our meal times, too, and that has been a home run. Wow. I resisted doing so for years because it seemed pointless and over-controlling (telling someone she can't eat seemed like telling someone she can't use the bathroom) but it has turned out to be enormously positive. Basically, they eat at 7 a.m., 9:30 a.m., 12 p.m., 2:30 p.m. and 5 p.m., give or take. I can't find the link, but I remember the kids' health paperwork from the doctor's office saying "You decide what and when kids eat, they decide whether and how much." That's our drill. I offer small amounts to start, they don't have to eat anything, and if they need it, they can have more. Oh, and they have to eat sitting at the table, for meals and snacks. I noticed right away that my big kid, who has always been a very picky eater, was really tucking into her dinners, which are often the heartiest, most protein-rich meals served in our home. She's cleaning her plate of good protein-rich dishes and big salads. Two quotes from recent days: 

"Thank you for that unpureed lentil soup! It was delicious." (I'd served wild rice and garbanzos for dinner, not sure where the lentil thing comes in)

"What are you making, mom?" "Hummus." "Oh, yum! Can I pleeeeeease have some with a bunch of carrots?"

HUZZAH. The little, tiny bit of waiting they have to do sometimes to sate their hunger seems really helpful. My best guess is that coming into a snack or meal hungry makes everything more appealing, so it's not a problem that I'm only serving healthy foods. I also think it should prevent eating from boredom (this is a problem of mine; I'm not as strict with myself on the schedule because of the pregnancy, but having some kind of structure has already helped me a great deal). Ultimately they'll be on their own food-wise, as teenagers and adults, so right now it's my job to help them build the best possible habits, and I think having some structure to eating can be a positive limitation. Oh! I also make sure they have access to lots of water.

5. They had cotton candy at the fair, by the way. And ice cream at an ice cream social. Another bonus of a righteously complete diet is that I don't stress at all about them having the sometimes, weekend treats they love. Ain't no thing when they're getting ample amounts of what they need, especially all those phytochemical-rich whole vegetable foods, all week long. Woot!

6. I have ten quarts of berries in my freezer so far. I don't really have room for much more. I am looking forward to buying a storage freezer for next year. I have goals, my friends. Serious goals.

7. This Wikipedia entry on "superfruits" is funny. And sad. Fruit, on the other hand, is, I'm quite sure, manna.

8. I threw an avocado that was shrinking out of its skin into my hummus, and it is delicious. Definitely extra creamy. The big kid won't touch avocados (so naturally the little one eats a whole one, cut out of its skin into fat slices, for breakfast several times a week) but didn't detect even a hint of it in the hummus. You will take that fatty nutrition whether you want it or not, kid!

9. I feel incredibly lucky to have a local commercial tayberry grower. Oh sweet, sweet mercy it is a beautiful berry. I made six jars of tayberry jam this week and it's so complex and special it makes me weep.

10. I don't think I have anything to say about anything that isn't food right now. Hmm. I'll go ahead and sign off.

Snowpocalypse Now

We've had some Weather around here. I'm not sure whether to capitalize it or italicize it. We've had some weather. Unlike many of our friends we've been extremely lucky and haven't lost power, so almost a week (has it been almost a week already?) of being snowed on and snowed in has mostly passed in a lovely sort of home-cozy way, filled with four-legged friends with velvet ears, hot drinks, soft, soft yarns, beautiful books, beautiful babes, and a birthday tart for one who turned three (no, I did not make it myself). 

I am prepared to be extremely pleased in almost any situation. It's an excellent policy to have, if it can possibly be managed.

Winter fair

I get the impression...I feel...that Christmas will never be quite as special at any point in my life as it is right now while my children are very young. Some of these things that feel like they are forever, good and bad, are just part of one flickering moment. In these years, there is a very great deal to love about this season. Just being with them, really. They're wound up, and warm. 

In these years I especially love taking the girls to the winter fair at a Waldorf school near us. It was quite cold today and much of the activity that goes on at the fair (and at the school, I believe) is outdoors. We were all bundled up in handknits (except Mr. Terrible; I need to make him a hat, scarf, gloves), freezing the tips of our noses and shoving our hands down in our pockets, huddled into ourselves but comfortable. I like that feeling.

The big girl did the crafts and the little one mostly played. I made a gnome. The Last Gnome. It was the last stick they had available at the gnome-making craft station, marked up already where the face is supposed to go, so I made him bangs and a little low-down face. I stitched up his hat, too, and put a wee bell on it. His head is big. 

I had to sneak him away from the big kid's bedside to take a picture of him.

He seems like someone I'd want close by me. A good friend.

HSSS

We had a great Halloween. It's wonderful to finally live in a neighborhood that we can trick-or-treat in, or more importantly (for the adults in our house) that people come to for trick-or-treating. People were highly complimentary of our pumpkins and took pictures, which made me enormously happy, that such a silly little thing that we enjoyed doing could make other people smile. I had never really thought of that sort of thing as being community-minded but it really is. We will definitely be doing up our house and making fancy pumpkins next year.

The big kid made this really unexpected last-minute decision to be Dracula(!?), I think because library story time was monster-centric, so we had a really long conversation about literary monsters, and she'd just gotten a set of plastic vampire teeth as a party favor. I painted fake blood on my sweet-faced baby, I'm certain not for the last time. Big sigh. Baby doesn't like wearing costumes, so I didn't bother to buy or make her anything. I wasn't even sure she would consent to wearing one out, but her sister/stylist decided on a Minnie Mouse dress and Mousketeer ears from the costume box. It was very cute, and then somewhere along the way Big Kid decided to start hissing at everyone, because that's what vampires do, so Baby started doing the same. I don't know if you've ever been hissed at by a very small child dressed as Minnie Mouse but it is a singular experience. She was bumbling down the street after her sister saying "Weer SKEEERY! HSSS! HSSS! Weeer TRICKR TRRREEDIN!"

Yeah. You're really, really scary.

This morning she got up and said "Arright, Mama, lesss go trickr treedin."

Then she found a stray box of Nerds and poured it over her waffle.

On into November we go rolling, rolling.

Six

I love the family birthday. I love that Mr. Terrible gets the day off for both of the girls' birthdays and, as a whole family, we hang out and have a beautiful day together. Flowers, presents, a special meal, cake, and extra snuggles seem to always feature. Apparently there will be the occasional overindulgence (four gifts? how did that happen?) but really, what more can a person ask for?

Happy 6th, dear one.

R & S

This afternoon our friends (and sweet and dearly beloved Aunties to our girls) got married. I feel like there is so much that I would like to say about that, that I ought to say, but when you're taking photographs of the ceremony, watching two people who belong to one another reading oaths of love written on parchment that your daughter carried to them up the aisle, all of that lives somewhere else, far away. 

It's just two brave souls declaring their sweet strong vulnerable human love, and you're crying all over the camera. 

Summer reading

Mild-mannered alter-ego

I believe you're supposed to wear the glasses and cape separately for the full disguise effect, but that's alright. When you're "SPSPLN" I think you can rock whatever look you want, up to and including a few spots of strawberry lemonade on the back of your cape.