We've been struggling with Big Kid's disordered sleep since forever. I can without exaggeration say it's a central feature of family life around here: the One Who Can't Sleep. It influences every aspect of her behavior and our routine, not in positive ways. I have a child who is emotionally fragile all day, then frequently both hyperactive and stumbling around like a drunken monkey from 3 o'clock in the afternoon until she finally shuts down. The pediatricians haven't been much help. I'm not sure if they take it seriously. Maybe they just don't know what to do.
I did some research on my own recently and am making some targeted changes. Taking a page or thirty from Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne I pulled the girls' room into line, but hard. They wake up in a pristine space and they go to sleep in a pristine space. Toys have to live in there, too, but they are all picked up at the end of the day and stashed away quietly in cubbies and baskets, out of the girls' line of sight when they're in their beds. I am discretely doing a fair amount of purging to keep things as simple as possible. Their room has always been pretty lovely, all peachy-pinky warm and light. Now it's a calming and peaceful space, too.
I'm working on shifting that tranquil feeling out into the rest of the house, working through organization projects and changing my own routine during the week so that we have no built up anything. No laundry hanging out anywhere, no dirty dishes in the sink, no papers on the counter. I'm not done yet by any means (hello, wall that has been half painted since October), but from where I sit I see a bunch of very clear surfaces. One day at a time.
Perhaps most importantly, we're moving up and regimenting sleep and waking times. Prior bedtimes seemed early enough (always before 9) but with far too loose a range. The little one has always been easy to put down, but it's surprised and chastised me to watch her quickly and easily fall asleep at 6:30. She apparently needs that full twelve hours! At least now she'll get it. The Big Kid ought to get to sleep at about 7:30, and both girls are up by around 12 hours past their respective bedtimes. We're going to be absolutely Prussian about those times from now on.
From just one tiny/huge aspect of childrearing, the single insomniac child, we're shifting the entire family routine: early to bed, early to rise for everyone; an earlier dinner before their dad gets home; spreading the housework into smaller tasks across the week; ensuring no transition time finds us unprepared (the snacks are packed and the swim bag is all ready to go the night before, and so forth). All these small changes add up to a totally new rhythm.
Toss in a bunch of work on destressing family dynamics across the board, particularly the stress that has been arising from sibling rivalry, as well as nightly conversations with the big kid to help her unload anything that needs unloading, and, with both unease and deep gratitude, low-dose chewable melatonin, and we may fix this yet...and gain an exponentially more peaceful, joyful, rewarding family life in the bargain.
Just in time for a newborn.