Did you know that I have two daughters, and zero sons? It's true: it's a big ol' ladyfest around my house. Even one of our dogs is a ladydog. The bros, man and dog, are seriously outnumbered. It's kind of a running joke in my family, too, because I am not, shall we say, the most delicate of flowers. That's also a frequent joke of Mr. Terrible's, come to think of it. "My wife," he will say, "is a delicate flower." I am a consummate Plain Jane tomboy, or, tom...man?, and yet: I had two daughters. One of which has both feet firmly planted on Planet Girl.
It's been a bit of a head-scratcher for me. I remember going through a dress phase when I was six years old or thereabouts, but prior to that, and after that, I had no time at all for girly things. In an ill-conceived bid to be attractive I did wear make-up for a year or so in junior high school, but after that I gave up, started dying my hair different colors, wearing worn out mens' jeans. I mean...I'm not going to lie: I tried to be cute. I always secretly wanted to be feminine, to be pretty, but genetics wasn't fighting in my corner on that one. I guess I settled for being beautiful on the inside, and keeping my butt covered in Levi's. And when my daughter needed her face made-up for a ballet recital, I had to go out and purchase everything she needed on her face, because I owned none of it. Do you know that part in The Lord of the Rings when Sam has the elven rope around Gollum's neck, and Gollum is screaming bloody murder because "it buuuuuurns us, it freeeeeeezes us!"? It's a lot like that when I put on make-up.
Burt's Bees chapstick! Can I get a "hallelujah"?
I sometimes feel a little bad, not having cute shoes for her to try on, or polishing her nails or what have you. I also sometimes lament not having LEGOs around. And swords. And, heaven help me, Nerf guns. Don't get me wrong in the least; I love my daughters exactly as they are, but I would have enjoyed having a little Jedi Knight running around the place, too. Just...more projectiles. Those are fun.
I'd given up on trying to woo my little Princess Powder Puff with the siren song of building blocks, cars and trucks and the timeless allure of pirates, ninjas and space cowboys (and truly, in all seriousness, I don't really care what they like as long as it's age appropriate and doesn't undermine our family's values), but there developed an in: my little obsessive obsessor hadn't been obsessed with anything for a long, long time.
There was a vaccuum.
One day, for reasons I will never understand, that vaccuum filled simultaneously with The Legend of Zelda and LEGOs.
You know this song? I first heard it when I was in college, and I guess when you're 19 it's super funny. It's still super funny to me, but I lack maturity. I went looking for it the other day on YouTube, and I have no idea why, but the big kid got CRAZY hooked on it. She wants to listen to it every day, and we had to have this reeeeeally long conversation about who Link is, and the Legend of Zelda, and the original NES system, and all preceding and subsequent video game systems, and what, exactly, Link does in the game, and on and on. She doesn't play video games at all, so it was a bit like explaining a California sunset to a cave fish. Over and over again.
How do you explain Pong? Tetris? Grand Theft Auto: Vice City? No, scratch that last one. Don't even mention that one.
Also, I suspect because 1)she has boy friends, and these boy friends do NOT HALF like themselves some LEGOsohmygoodgracious, and 2)I said I was going to bring her little box of basic bricks to the free box because she never touched them, she decided to pull what LEGOs she has out and play with them the other day.
She was instantly hooked, just like that.
Now apparently I have a LEGO birthday party to plan for next month, and a Link costume to make for her to wear at it. Because that works? I don't know what kind of deep dorkiness I wished myself into here. I say this like I don't have an original artist's concept for Bag End as my desktop wallpaper, but still.
She was disappointed to learn that there are no Legend of Zelda LEGOs, but I did indulge her today with a moon buggy.
Look at that cocksure son of a gun. He's all "You know where I'm drivin'? I'm drivin' to space."
She wants more LEGO Space for her birthday. If we get them I'm swapping out some of the astronauts' dude heads (assuming they're all dude heads) for a few wearing lipstick. You know...'cause lipstick = lady.