I've been noticing lately, even in the midst of one of Baby's long, stressful stints as a sleep-hating mutant, that we're passing out of the uncomfortably (very near unbearably) intense patch we were in as a family. The Big Kid and Baby Show has begun to look more like the Big Kid and Little Kid Show, which is both sad and wonderful. More and more the two girls play together for longer and longer stretches, requiring less and less intervention from me. I remember this well when Big Kid was entering her twos: how suddenly space began to open up in my life for getting things done here and there. The house began to look tidier, I had time to work on projects, we were productive and we had fun. Then it seemed like time for baby #2 which, of course, it was.
And as that Baby becomes less and less of a baby, as she becomes more independent and willing and able to leave my side, it has been a marvel to watch the two girls becoming friends. Big Kid is enormously proud of her little sister, always thrilled to see her when we pick her up at preschool, showing her off to her friends. They adore one another. And they fight, always over the stuff, but mostly it's hugging and kissing and running around the house laughing together. I found myself standing at the sink, doing dishes the other afternoon, while they murmured together, playing with toys and books.
"Oh. Yes. This is how it will be, mostly," I thought.
I have a little breathing room in other areas, too. Mr. Terrible and Big Kid's relationship has improved dramatically*. That fact is of no small significance in both of their lives, or mine. With the freedom and encouragement to attend sesshin regularly, I think he'll be happier, which means we all will be happier. I don't mind. It means that we can move forward as a family. I can begin to think about regularly scheduling in what we've all needed so badly for so long: time alone for each child with each parent, time for each parent to be alone, and time for the parents to be alone without the children (that one's going to take some working up to).
It's been sunny outside the past few days. We've been to the park again, we've been walking. We pulled out the table work again (Singapore Math) after a months-long hiatus.
I'm looking forward to the coming months. I see a massive spring cleaning and home reorganization in my future (IKEA HO!), as well as lots and lots of time spent outdoors.
I see hiking, and picnics, and perhaps even a long afternoon alone in the house with my sewing machine.
And like that, we will have done it.
We will have made it through, together.
*I don't think I've ever discussed this here, out of respect for Mr. T's privacy. In essence, Big Kid and Mr. T's relationship never recovered from the whole-family turbulence of adjusting to a new family member. Which is to say, the two of them did not adjust at all. I don't think it is unfair to say that their dynamic has dominated our family life for two years. It's been...difficult.