I found this post about things "men" supposedly hate about "women" super funny. The dysfunctional relationship dynamics, broken communication and total emotional illiteracy the original piece unintentionally speaks to are so far from the DNA of my own partnership (as it currently stands, let's not tempt fate with hubris) that they exist in an entirely different taxonomic kingdom.
What made me really laugh/cry for the poor guy that wrote the original article is that my husband and I have been doing a bit of negotiating around "me" time for him. Although, wait. I should get this out of the way before I proceed any further: to begin with, we're talking about an advice article on eHarmony here, and judging by his writing, the guy who wrote it resembles in no way any partnered, adult male that I personally know. He sounds more like some dudes I knew...well, maybe never. I'm pretty sure I have never have been actual friends with anyone that has such a funhouse mirror view of "women". Anyway. I absolutely "understand and/or like [his] need for alone time." Good gracious. I've been urging my dude out the door for some surfing or beers with some man-bros or whatever for years now. He's a homebody, though, and prefers to spend time with me and our kids (for reals, it's pretty sweet).
But! He suddenly has a D & D game going with some wonderful guys, which is SO! GREAT! I'm stoked for him.
Except, the man-bro-geeks he's doing this with are accustomed to some pretty late nights, and we've been struggling to figure out if this works for us. I'm certainly willing to give up one night a week with him if it recharges him and gives him respite from the family cloister, but we're running into logistical issues: I have a very hard time sleeping when he's rolling in after 1 a.m. (I imagine this is what I get to look forward to with older teenagers), he's in need of sleeping in dramatically the next morning OR he needs a nap the following day OR he's passed out on the couch by 7 p.m. and any way you slice it he's kind of cranky all day. So you know what? Maybe this doesn't work out for him as a once a week, every week gig, because it doesn't work for our family.
You see, the thing is, guy from eHarmony, if someday you meet a pair of boobs you want to marry, presumably after you stop thinking that your "behavior" should be sufficient communication about any and all matters interpersonal, you'll have a totally different perspective on the place of "me" time in the ultimately interdependent web of family life. You might, like my awesome dude, say "I like hanging out, but this particular thing is pretty disruptive and puts an undue strain on you, so I don't mind giving it up." And because you've made a good, grown-up choice in the boobs you've married, those boobs will say "I really want this to work out for you, so let's try to figure out some solutions. Also I will be needing a regular ladies' karaoke night or a book club at some point in the very near future."
See how that works?
Adult. Relationship. It's awesomesauce.
If you're single and want some advice, I'll give you some: don't date that dude at eHarmony.