I can make good pancakes now. Basic ones, mind, but good. My strategy involves mixing a bit of yogurt into the milk to approximate actual buttermilk, which was, at one point (I am led to understand), naturally cultured.
I am proud of my pancakes. That's alright. Here's why.
I had a weird moment recently talking to another homeschooling mum about homeschoolishthings. One of her kids is working several grades above level in a couple of subjects, and this parent is really not shy about it. I've had a few exchanges that have gone like this, only I have paraphrased us to sound like two robots:
Me: Something about books.
Her: We cannot check out enough books from the library. My child is compelled to read 200 pages a day.
Me: Something math.
Her: My child is working several levels above grade. My child is exceptional in this regard and many others.
Now, here's the thing: I've been this mum. I have a weird little girl that had a fixation with opera at five years old. I'd be lying if I said I haven't been proud of her special weirdness, and, frankly, boastful. But I'd like to think that having birthed a second child who, despite being possibly weirder than her sister, so far displays NO advanced intellectual capabilities, I have mellowed out considerably. I have eaten that crow, if you will.
What I was trying to figure out, though, is what it is about being proud of one's kid's smartness that is so offensive. I mean, we're parents. We're proud of our kids. That's natural, right? Am I being jealous? Competitive? What the hell?
I turned this around in my brain pan for a while, and what occured to me at last is this:
We all have the right to be proud of those achievements for which we put forth sincere effort, but no right whatsoever to be proud of intrinsic traits. For those, the proper feeling is gratitude.
I am not a subscriber to the notion that if everyone is super, no one is (that is dumb, Brad Bird) but I do hesitate to say there is no such thing as innate intelligence. There is no less innate intelligence than there is innate athletic ability, or innate height potential. No amount of sit-ups is going to land me a place as a prima ballerina at the Kirov, for heaven's sake. We'd be fooling ourselves if we insisted that everyone is capable of cutting edge physics.
BUT, and here is one big but...
This is where the pride goeth before the people rolling their eyes at you for bragging.
The thing is, none of us has any control over the toolbox we get kicked out of the womb with. Being proud of being "smart" (whatever that even means) is like being proud of having a kick-ass toolbox full of every conceivable instrument for every conceivable job from fine watchmaking to surfboard manufacture when most folks are running around with a decent rack of Craftsman tools that get the job done. Well...good for you.
The reality is that the tools you have matter a WHOLE lot less than what you make with them. Being proud of the toolbox is hubris. Being grateful for the tools you were given is heading the right way to humility. Doing hard work with those tools, maybe even making the world a better place with them...well. That is something to be proud of.
I never, ever want one of my kids to announce to anyone that she or he is smart, or advanced, or somehow or other intrinsically talented. I have instinctively kept virtually all of my boasting outside of my children's earshot, which was uncharacteristically wise of me. I want them to understand when they come into an awareness of their gifts (those things that they were given, that they did not earn) that the proper attitude to take is one of humble gratitude, and an awareness that those gifts are there to be put to use through work, should they choose to undertake it.
It seems safe to say that hard work, honestly done, whether it be making a watch or a delightful pancake, is something we are all free to take pride in.
